Let me speak to you heart to heart, not just as a fellow pastor, but as a fellow husband. Your marriage matters—not just privately, but spiritually, publicly, and missionally. It is not a side commitment to be managed around the demands of ministry; it is your first ministry.
The enemy knows this. He doesn’t always come after the pulpit first. He comes after the pillow. He doesn’t need a scandal if he can divide your home. Because once your marriage is weakened, your ministry soon follows.
Let this be a clear and urgent message of encouragement and warning: Do what it takes to strengthen your marriage. Start now; don’t wait.
The Hidden Strain of Ministry
Barna reports that 37% of pastors state that balancing ministry and family is a significant source of stress, with many expressing profound feelings of isolation and fatigue. Pew Research has indicated that younger pastors, in particular, feel unprepared to handle the demands of home life alongside their commitment to leading a church.
The gradual erosion of a marriage doesn’t begin with dramatic failure; it often starts with busyness, pride, and neglect. Little things grow into big issues. Conversations cease, affection fades, and ministry receives the best while marriage gets the rest.
Song of Solomon 2:15 warns us to “catch the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards…” Don’t allow minor problems to grow unchecked. If left alone, they will bear bitter fruit.
Don’t Let Pride Keep You From Getting Help
One of the biggest threats to pastoral marriages isn’t failure—it’s pride. The kind that says, “I know better. I help others. I can fix this.” Brothers, that lie is quietly killing marriages.
We must lead the way in humility. Galatians 6:2 reminds us to “bear one another’s burdens.” That includes our own. Seeking help is not weakness—it’s wisdom. You are not above needing it, which is true for all of us.
Whether it’s counseling, mentorship, or simply having an honest conversation with trusted friends, seek help early. Don’t wait for a crisis. While you may be able to recover a sermon at the last minute, a relationship may not be so easily restored. If you wait too long, you risk not only your effectiveness in ministry but also your marriage itself.
A Sacred Calling to Love Her Well
Ephesians 5:25 calls us to love our wives “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This is a significant, sacrificial, and beautiful calling. It encompasses more than just financial provision or being physically present.
- It means knowing her heart.
- It means praying with her.
- It means celebrating her.
- It means repenting when you’re wrong.
The way we love our wives serves as a living sermon. It either reflects the Gospel or distorts it. If we neglect our marriage, our prayers are hindered (1 Peter 3:7). This is not just about surviving marriage; it’s about building a marriage that testifies to the redeeming, patient, joyful love of Christ.
Make the Time, Take the Rest, Stay Intentional
Start with small, intentional steps:
- Protect your day off. Please don’t use it to catch up on ministry. Use it to catch up with your wife.
- Use your vacation time for connection, not just rest.
- Plan regular date nights. Be consistent.
- Pray with your wife.
- Speak well of her—publicly and privately.
And when necessary, seek help. The Crossroads Fellowship is here for you. We can direct you to trusted counselors, connect you with pastoral couples, or simply be a listening ear. You are not alone in this.
We’ve Seen the Wreckage—Let Us Not Be Next
You know the names—men we loved, respected, and even emulated—who lost everything. Not just churches, but also marriages. Not just jobs, but trust. The pain is real, and the ripple effects are generational. Let’s not become another tragic story. Instead, let us be men of resolve. Men of humility. Men who fight for their marriages before there’s a war.
Proverbs 5:18 urges, “Rejoice in the wife of your youth.” That’s not just a poetic phrase—it’s a command. Your marriage is a gift. Treat it as one.
In Fellowship and Strength
At Crossroads, we care about your church. But we also care about your home. We strive to be a fellowship where it’s safe to ask for help, to say, “I’m struggling,” and to receive grace—not guilt.
So, if your marriage is in a good season—praise God. Keep sowing into it. If it’s in a dry season, start rebuilding today. Let’s preach the Gospel not just from our pulpits, but from our homes. Let us love our wives as Jesus loves us.
Strong marriages. Strong ministries. Let’s be known for both.
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